Denver is under siege.
For five days, invaders have run through our streets, even in broad daylight.
Lime Bike set loose 200 of their electric scooters on Memorial Day without permission of the city, according to Colorado Public Radio. Since then the scooters have been wildly popular among the same people who camped out for Shake Shack.
The scooters cost just one dollar to start, which is bad planning because Denverites have proven we will pay way more than that for some brunch-ass shit like this.
In just the last few days I’ve seen scooters weaving in and out of traffic, barreling down sidewalks, and clogging up bike lanes. They’re being left outside of bars, because the only thing more embarrassing a DUI is getting one while riding a child’s toy.
Denver Public Works has already started removing scooters parked in the middle of sidewalks (thanks, Fox 31 News). The Lime app instructs users to park near bike racks and other manageable locations. They forget that their customer base is mostly assholes.
According to the company’s blog, the rollout of the sharing program, “comes after weeks of careful planning with community leaders and City Counselors.” To whatever extent this is or isn’t true, Denver Public Works seems to have been kept in the dark. So was I, which is more upsetting.
Denver needs more ways to get around. More access, more coverage. This isn’t it. This is a toy for the same frivolous Chads and Beckys clogging the waitlist at Snooze.
So until the day DPW scoops up the last of the Lime locusts, that’s what I’ll tell myself. For everyone tooling around on a rented meance, that’s one less person I have to deal with in Trader Joe’s parking lot.